Let’s talk about capacity…

I’m very open about the fact that we have been in family therapy since August of 2021. We have a wonderful therapist that works so well for our family. She always seems to just “get it.”

Well not too long ago we were talking about how depression affected me and my family. It was eye opening to see what my family felt about it. It was even more so when I told our therapist that if I weren’t lazy I’d be able to do x y and z. She said, “no Sam, you aren’t lazy. You don’t have the capacity to complete tasks.” She then proposed to me that perhaps when I don’t have the capacity that I rely more on my family. Which interestingly enough that is what my family wanted too, rather than shutting down and letting depression overcome me. They want to be there for me and to help me. Guess why? Because they LOVE me! 🤯

As we moved forward I was learning to say things like, “I don’t have the capacity to do this, can you do this for me?” To my family. It’s amazing how something so simple was able to help our family communication.

There will be times in all of our lives where we simply don’t have the capacity to deal with or do something. And that’s okay. We’d be robots if we did. Hell even the internet lags when it’s overloaded. But the healthy way to handle our lack of capacity is to communicate that to those who are important to us. It may be a friendship or a relationship or even a profession that we are lagging in. It is absolutely okay to take a step back and say, “I don’t have the capacity for this.”

A time when I had the capacity to handle the day and a time when I did not.

Yule comes to a close…

“For Pagans, this is a time of new beginnings, rebirth, transformation, getting rid of unwanted habits, and creativity.”

I really do love New Years, I always have. I love it because I love the notion of healing, rest, reflection, growth, and rebirth. And this time of year is steeped with those intentions. I love reset, a time to organize your thoughts and think about what you really want out of life. I love resolutions because they are affirmations of what we want the future to bring.

This is such a special time for the universe. The days will start to get longer and lighter. Life is full of cycles. Sometimes as humans we can get jaded and frustrated with the cycles of our lives. But I like to embrace it. Nature tells us it’s normal to go through phases like the moon and it’s normal to wilt and then bloom like the wildflowers.

“The edge of the solstice, the barren darkness, the wheel. Nature knows that every cycle must return to stillness and silence. That every inhale has an exhale. That every ending births a beginning. That the light always returns to a future beyond imagination.” ~ Victoria Erickson, Edge of Wonder

Wishing you all a happy, healthy, and plentiful 2023.

Evergreen Wishes

Pictures don’t show all of the words…

Pictures make life look really good sometimes. Especially on social media. But they only capture a moment in time and our lives are many MANY moments put together. And not all moments are sunshine.

Some moments not seen in this photo…

• a husband and wife that have been going to therapy regularly for over year not because we are “close to divorce” but because we value each other and our marriage and are committed to our long term success
• a 14 year old that is dealing with bullying and harassment both verbally and electronically that now is experiencing food anxiety (yes an eating disorder) on top of generalized anxiety and depression
• an 11 year old recently diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and obsessive compulsive disorder that is on and off medications as we navigate these new diagnoses and will require intensive therapy
• seasonal depression for the mom and dad
• increased closeness and bonding with some family members
• estrangement from other family members
• job uncertainty for both husband and wife
• a messy house with piles of laundry, mail, dog toys, and dishes
• a lot of yelling and loud “talking”
• a family trying to keep it all together and to learn and grow together in 2022 when the outside world makes it very difficult

When you see photos this holiday season try to remember that it is simply a single moment in time. Nobody has all of their shit together. Don’t let yourself feel the need to compare your moments with their moments. 💜

Suicide prevention hotline: 988

Dale, Evie, Marli, Sam (12/2022)

Sunny days ahead…

You know I’m going to say it…

Seasonal depression. It’s a real thing. And I always forget how much this can affect me and so many other people.

The past 2 days I have had an overwhelming feeling of sadness and exhaustion. I overall just felt “down.” My body didn’t feel exceptionally tired but all I wanted to do was close my eyes. There was no incident or event in particular that contributed to these feelings. I just felt it. To my core.

And so that is what I did. I felt it. Accepted that I was feeling that way. My wonderful husband gave me space to feel that way and he didn’t try to “fix” me. He is a fixer by nature and sometimes that is difficult for him to not do. I think me accepting what I was feeling and him accepting that I was feeling that way helped to move it along so to speak.

This morning it was easier to wake up. I actually “felt” lighter. My heart and mind weren’t as heavy. Am I completely better? Hell no. But I know there are brighter days ahead…

Sunny days ahead

Find your balance…

The ultimate life challenge, right?

Everyone says “it’s all about balance” in regards to food, work, finances, friends, family, etc. But what does that mean? What does that look like?

Well it’s different for everyone. You must determine what is important to you.

Almost 10 years ago I decided to go to nursing school. I wanted to be a nurse and help people and blah blah blah. (I sound a little jaded huh?) The pandemic made me realize that while I love being a nurse and helping others, my family (the most important thing to me) was missing my presence. It took nearly 7 years of nursing jobs for me to find the right balance. And I think I finally did it by finding a work from home nurse job that I started this week. Will it have it’s ups and downs, hell yes it will. But I get to be more physically, mentally, and emotionally present for my family.

And who knows, maybe that balance will shift again once my girls are older. That’s the beauty of life though, it’s a versatile journey.

Cairn at Ruby Beach, California

There’s a little witch in all of us…

Like the famous line from Practical Magic, I believe there truly is a little witch in all of us.

It took me almost 37 years to realize I believe in magic. I grew up catholic and had always found peace in the rituals rather than the notion of a singular god. I didn’t really know what that meant until recently.

I discovered that I am a witch and have never felt more like myself. I am a spiritual person and prefer no one religion. And life is just too damn short to not live authentically.

And so I started my journey into witchcraft. It has brought me so much inner peace. I’m excited to share my journey with all of you.

🌕 Dance together in the moonlight. 🌕

Just let it go, let it gooo…

Yep. Just like the song says. I love Disney movies but Frozen in particular is 100% on point. Lately I’ve noticed that so many people around me are trying so hard to have control on the things around them to have some sense of normalcy. I see it causing them a lot of anxiety and stress. So much so that I worry for their physical and mental well being.

I told a friend tonight that I learned long ago that not every person is good or going to be what you expect them to be. We can either accept them for who they are and be okay with what we get from them or we can choose not to. Which often means cutting off relationships. The latter is not always feasible so that leaves us with accepting people for who they are.

That’s not to say that people can’t change. Or that we shouldn’t try to express our feelings with them. But ultimately an individual does not change unless they have great self awareness. We cannot change them. They must change for themselves.

In order to find inner peace though we must be willing to let go of the expectations we have for others. The only thing we can control are the expectations we have for ourselves.

If you find yourself feeling anxious, pause for a moment and ask yourself if this is something you can control or if your are trying to control a situation or others. If your answer is that you are trying to control a situation or others then you need to take a deep breath and say to yourself, “I let go of what I can’t control.” And move on.

I know it’s difficult for many of us to not feel anxious right now. But now more than ever it is imperative to take care of our mental well being. That often entails vital self reflection and making some changes within ourselves. Fortunately that IS something we have control over.

Create your own sanctuary…

Let’s face it, corona isn’t going away any time soon.

I know this is a difficult notion for a lot of people. And some people don’t even believe in the virus. I get it. But that still doesn’t change the state of the world.

So make your own happy place. For me that meant being able to enjoy my beautiful yard and patio. I always feel calmer outside and I wanted to create a space for me and my family so that we could feel at ease and enjoy each other’s company.

Even my husband has said, “I appreciate the space you’ve created.”

Our home is our safe place. Sanctuary looks different for everyone. I strongly recommend figuring out what speaks to you and allows you to feel respite and then creating that space for yourself.

This is my happy place!

Treasure your friendships…

We are told this often and there are many quotes about friendship.

Now more than ever it is so important to heed that advice. It may be a simple text here or there. But with the pandemic going on and so many people’s mental health declining we must stay in touch with those that are special to us.

I am fortunate to have stayed in touch with 4 gorgeous friends from grade school for 25 years now. And no matter what we’ve been through I know without a doubt that if I needed them they would be there for me.

I also have nurse friends, several from nursing school who I adore and several from the jobs I’ve had. That’s a different breed of friendship just by the sheer fact of our job. (Yes our stories are insane!)

And I have friends within our community. These are the friends that accepted my family under their wings and welcomed us to the community. Our kids go to school together and we trick or treat together.

(This year will be the first year we don’t 😢)

I have 3 very distinct circles and each is from a different aspect of my life but they have ALL meshed so well into an external (aside from my husband) support system.

But I will tell you… IT TAKES WORK TO MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIPS.

Find your support system. But put the effort in every day. Tell people you love them. This is so important for all of our mental well being during a time of prolonged isolation.

“Find your tribe and love them hard.”

This is what 25 years of friendship looks like! I adore them!!

Quit being so hard on yourself…

Seriously… stop it.

Most of the time we are our own worst enemies. Often beating ourselves up for not being the kind of parent we thought we’d be, or not doing that workout that we had planned to do, or just plain old feeling worthless because we were tired today.

Stop it. It’s not necessary. We live in a society of extremes. Everything is taken to the “nth” degree. And it’s absolutely ridiculous. I often find myself in the same cycle of wanting to accomplish so much in such a small amount of time and then feeling worthless for not completing the goal I had in my head. It’s anxiety inducing.

And then I think “what kind of example am I setting for our girls?” To place self worth on how many aprons I sewed today? On whether or not I did that workout?

Each day is a new opportunity to be at peace with yourself. Moving forward I am going to stop placing deadlines on myself. I want to enjoy each day and not worry about what I accomplish and when. I will get there. We will all get there. But we should enjoy the journey and not stress about the end goal.

Enjoy your journey!

Where do we go from here?

It has been a chaotic 6 months during a global pandemic.

And many people are looking for the answer to the above question.

I’m not sure there is an answer. But I know the answer for myself and my family is to take it a day at a time. We can’t change the world around us. But we can control how we react. I’m tired of feeling mad or frustrated and I’m even tired of feeling exhausted. Because I work as nurse in a bustling family practice coronavirus is a part of my every day life.

I’m over it like everyone else. But I stay vigilant about guidelines and precautions because that is the right thing to do. I’m finding ways to clear my head and ground myself. My home has become my sanctuary. Gardening has become a passion and sewing helps me clear my head. Simplicity is what makes things feel “normal.” We are all seeing a new normal. In a few short weeks our girls will be going to school in a hybrid format, 2 days a week in person and 3 days at home. They’ll wear masks and face shields and sit 6 feet apart from their friends.

So where DO we go from here???

I say we go forward. One step at a time. Side by side with our loved ones. Finding our peace. Protecting each other.

A close friend once told me “just protect your net” meaning I can’t change the things around me but I can protect my family. (We’re a hockey family if you couldn’t tell)

And that’s all anyone can do right now.